Plead

Please, please, listen! She was describing her work as saleperson for a company whose only customer is the governement. Her hand were outstretched and imploring, her head tilted, her voice wheedling. It was very dramatic, but then she mimed the bored and dismissive bureaucrats whose attention, much less interest, she regularly solicits--the torso turned away, the hand slack, the eyes distant. It became clear why she calls her work difficult.

Not all commercial relationships are this way, but I don't make my living selling, and she does. What came through to me in the intensity of her depiction was the way the 2nd person relationship would be distorted by the asymmetry in power between the parties. Monopoly, only one seller, or monopsony, only one buyer, puts the preponderance of power in the hand of one or the other side of the equation, so that the interaction readily becomes more 1st vs 3rd person.

I don't practice selling and buying--these days it happens before my students sit down from me in the classroom--so I may have it all wrong. Still the intensity of the acting bespoke a cri de coeur.  It must be, I thought, and yes, you said just that. For some buyers, the experience may be just the same as unpleasant.

Buying, selling is not dishonorable, indeed is necessary work, and doesn't have to be poorly rewarded, but I confess without pride that the plotting, the cajoling, the hidden agendas, and the naked need underlying it all does not come natural to me. This may be why I still struggle with income (and money in general).

Yet, as I round the 3/4 mark of this year of posts exploring the subject of 2nd person encounters, I look ahead how I want what I call the presence/adventure/lastingness way of life to continue in me and in the wider world. Does this mean I'm going to have to learn how to pitch and press?

I've tried it a couple of times, actually. Selling encyclopedias door to door (dismal job), selling high-end men's English shoes (much better conditions, no better money). As one half of a small business selling hands-on science lessons to schools, I had to present myself forcefully on the phone just to get the interviews that could lead to contracts. The presentations were good but the results were, generally, disappointing--which may explain my lack of enthusiasm. I don't have the intentness of a closer: if you want to buy, buy; if not, don't.

You've probably learned tried and true techniques, and you've learned how to insulate yourself and your regard for your product from the effects of rejection. You're lively, expressive, articulate (even before English, I'm sure) and if these qualities don't make for success in sales (and life), they should.

The commerce of the gift (the person to read on this is Lewis Hyde) seems to me to more consistently embody 2nd person principles, but probably the world needs both kinds of exchange. I need to think more deeply about how I practice the second. Thanks for reminding me to do so.