Envy

One of my colleagues has a sharp, discerning ear. Another has a gift for working with groups. Another, that detail-oriented earnestness. There's the one whose classes are always laughing and the one with the affable manner that puts everyone at ease. Oh, I wish I had what you have, could teach as you do.

The problem is that when I teach well, I'm proud of what I do. I don't want to give up any bit of what I'm already good at; I just want more of what they have, what makes them so good.

I listen when they talk about what they do, have done. When they are teaching, I lean in to see what's going on. There's always something to learn. Except I'm already busy exploring and expanding what I'm about.

I've found some new business case study materials that I can see potential for. I'm continuing to develop materials on functional grammar that I have yet to fully test. I have some thoughts on the link of prosody to syntax that I want to build out. My head is full, yet I want what others have.

I suppose this is a good ambition: endless improvement of technique, augmentation of skills, expansion of insight until I'm a veritable monster of competence.

Even if I were, my colleagues would be invaluable for who they are, and what that represents for our students. Their generous hearts take technique and make it personally meaningful, and student after student testifies to this upon departure.

The numbers of teachers expand and shrink, and over the many years I've taught, many good teachers have come and gone, each one memorable in one way or another, often some particular classroom strategy that impressed me. Many have gone on to, I hope, success, ideally well-paying. What made their lessons special is deployed elsewhere. I wish their brilliance were here with me; I wish it were mine.

This distribution of excellence is great for our students, and for me. You teach me, my comrades of the classroom, how many different ways there are to be good. If all the apples aren't on my tree, yet I'm proud to stand in such a great orchard.