Personalities

Diffident ever? Not you, or, okay, seldom, and never among friends, family, strangers, officials... Courteous, sure, but always self-assured. I needn't speak of your other real virtues here. It's that confidence of yours, I'm considering, based as it is on a repartee-fast wit, a feel for your audience, a flair for stories, a vivid personal style, ready opinions and critical judgments, agendas and the push needed to accomplish them, and something else--a strong sense that you know what you need to know, have what you need to have, are what you need to be. You have a strong personality.

It is admirable, even remarkable, but also sometimes daunting. By contrast, I'm one very careful not to transgress boundaries, not to usurp authority, especially when a guest. I prefer often to forgo judgment in favor of  wonder or curiosity. My agendas are adaptable, often ad hoc. I'm not without some of your capabilities, but I'm no alpha.

When we're together by ourselves things are fine, but when you and other strong personalities herd, I start to feel in danger of being trampled. My improvisatory style, less decisive or sharply contoured, starts to feel wishy-washy and indecisive. I find it hard to maintain the mental life that's so important to me. Who I am feels less substantial in that context.

These are gatherings I need to either avoid, or find a strategy to cope with. Probably the key for me is to come prepared with certain requirements and plans and mention them often: this is what I need; this is what I want to do. Of course, I can imagine myself deferring, but I should not, since being something like a natural feature like a Dumbarton Rock jutting out into the Clyde is how anyone takes their place in the assembly.  It's the way to be noticed, and negotiated with. So, some beforehand preparation may be what I need to do.

Still, most of my requirements and plans have that provisional, almost arbitrary, feel about them I enjoy, but which makes them vulnerable to those whose view of what they want has the cast of necessity. The least ambivalence or equivocation on my part, and...

In 2nd person encounters of this nature, one may have to lay claim to hospitality maybe already waiting and take advantage of friendship possibly already proffered. You'll always be Other to me, but I can still learn from you.