Sidekick

A running date. Now that I have a new pair of shoes with lots of tread, why not? It'll be my normal route, I guess, so there'll be no surprises, still the whole idea disquiets me. What if?  What if what? You're just running with another guy, Peter.

I realize just how much I am in myself as I run. I can encounter people on the way, as I did a former student last week, but then I move on. Running with someone else means being paced, having to talk, even just to give directions, seeing someone out of the corner of my eye. All this makes me realize how much of a loner I am.

I invited the guy into my running space. This isn't the first time. Usually we only do it once, for whatever reason.  I'm reassured by this. I can have an 'yes, let's go' and still be confident that no one will take me up on it as a regular thing. A beautiful policy that probably won't challenge me to change.

What would it be like to have a regular partner in some activity or project? I would probably feel myself dominating or acceding to the other; it's hard for me to imagine real partnership. Yet I started a business once with someone I respected and we spent many, many hours working together. It was an association that ended without turning into a lasting friendship. We were clearly feeling different urgencies. It's hard for me to imagine any such close association not foundering on the rocks of incompatible visions.

Perhaps there's a mode of partnership exemplified by pilgrims sharing the road and bread with each other. This sounds more like reciprocal hospitality than friendship. Am I back to that provoking question? I think a project of mine has been to make myself into the friend I would like to have. What does that mean?

What am I rambling on about? Seven-thirty am: we meet, we run. What's to think about? Let's do it and see.