Impressions

'Oh, teacher, do you remember me?' asked the young Chinese woman running upstairs as I was thumping down. We'd been together in class about a year ago--let's see, lives in Dorchester, no, near where I live; has a young daughter, no, a son, about 18 months. Don't you remember? she asked.

What class are you taking? I asked. ESL level 3? Excellent. What are you reading? Stories? No, only newspapers? Why not the young adult books in the library? Haven't taken books out?  But the librarians are excellent, they'll help you find something exciting,  but not too hard or long.

Yes, I have a grandson, I said. Let me show you a video. No, only one, for now. How about you? So your mother-in-law thinks one child is enough. Why? She thinks that Americans are so individualistic that family doesn't matter to them anyway.

America is a huge, diverse and evolving nation with many social patterns. Perhaps we aren't loyal to lines of succession or clan networks as others are, but what she said sounded like a mis-characterization.  Perhaps TV shows featuring young people who don't refer to parents, siblings or the extended family create the impression in the mind of newcomers of an atomized society. But consider Rozzie Square on a Saturday morning. It's a carnival of families, a conversation with anyone will quickly elicit references to children away at school, siblings in the next town or on the other side of the country. Family unimportant? Doesn't seem so in our neighborhood.

I know how easy it is to have firm but false impressions. Language may be one contributor; limited news sources another; there may be too few contacts or a label confirmation bias; a first impression may be more compelling than anything subsequent, but the result is that we are blind to what's there or going on, and don't even adopt a 'let's look' attitude. I've been embarrassed (oh, my days in the Peace Corps) by my misreadings of situations after people say 'Well, didn't you know...?' No; in fact, I had no idea.

Still, we can improve our sense of what's going on. I knew the young guys on the street loudly vociferating on the street last night weren't arguing but instead admiring someone's car. People used to warn me against this place where I live, calling it dangerous. Of course, things happen, and I don't know everything, but this little geographical (but not ethnic) enclave is safe and neighborly, something easy to ignore or disbelieve if all that's known about it is the address.

Whatever may be the reasons behind the arguments prevalent in my student's family, this place, any place has a depth and richness that transcends caricature, even the most meticulous description. What is alive always rewards looking, thinking, linking.